Considering how many words I've eaten in my life, you would think I would learn to avoid sweeping assertions or any phrase that begins with "I will never . . . " You'd think. At least words have no trans fats, bad cholesterol, or calories. They also have no nutritional value. Actually that's not true. The long-term benefit of eating my words is clear: Being utterly wrong so often humbles me pretty much every day. I guess that makes words the new superfood. A few tidbits from my recent diet of the carelessly uttered:
"I will never spoil my grandchildren." Hah. That lasted about, mmmmm, negative six months. Pink items started jumping into my cart within days of my daughter's first ultra-sound. I fooled myself that the novelty would wear off with grandchild number 2 (a boy) and number 3 (boy also.) Nope. Reptile themed playwear and tiny checkered Vans have proven just as hard to resist.
"I will never dye my hair.When I start to turn gray, I'm just letting it go natural." Right. It seemed high-principled in my twenties and thirties. But somewhere in the homestretch of my forties one spot turned gray overnight (well, it seemed like it.) If the gray had popped up discreetly in the back or at my temples in a dignified manner I might have let it go. But no, it had to burst forth front and center over my forehead. Not OK--Cruella DeVille is not really what I'm aiming for. So I lay down good money on a regular basis to have Amber do "partial highlights," a term invented to humour sheepish word-eaters who stated unequivocally in younger days that they would never "dye" their hair.
"Twilight? Never. I don't read vampire books." This one pains me to admit because of the vehemence with which I scoffed. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I read all four. Ouch. I didn't love them, though. Does that redeem me at all? And I feel pretty confident saying this: I will never write a vampire novel. Ever.
That last paragraph puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? Sure, I eat my words pretty regularly, but at least I don't drink blood. It could be worse. So use tasty words, folks, you may have to eat them. On my breakfast menu today? A big bowlful of "I have zero interest in writing a blog . . ."
What words have come back to you on a plate with a fork? I love your comments.